Trying to Cry
by Fireyhikarix
Summary: After the incident on Tane Tane Island, it leaves the names Lucas in shreds of guilt.


You could swear you could cry, but could not.

What the hallucinations said could never leave your mind. It's plaguing you slowly yet surely. You wanted to scream. But you couldn't, you have locked away those emotions to endure those three years of near isolation with Fuel who have been with you for the first year. Fuel, who always tried to make you smile. You would smile in gratitude for Fuel, always.

That changed when Fuel had gotten a so-called 'Happy Box' and stopped coming, he never came out of the house. Therefore, you haven't seen him for a while, except that he still tried his best to make you smile. Ok, Fuel did come out of the house, but still, you could see on his face that he was with his family's 'Happy Box'. It was strange, you could never judge, you had your dog, Boney. Though Fuel was a human and Boney was a dog that could never break the bond.

You and Boney have been with each other thick and thin. You, a shy human with your loyal pooch have been with each other forever. In fact you are here together still, with Kumatora and Duster. They are nice people, but you have your doubts.

You stop soul searching for a while. It hurts your fake smile. Feigning happiness was the only thing you could do those past years. You locked your sad emotions and bear a grin. Even if you are getting terrorized by monsters, you still smile.

You actually considered switching places with Claus, but you always remembered Mom's words, 'Sweetie, there is only one you. Be that you, you have always been. You can never replace you for being you.' Ah, how much you missed Mom. To be honest, you think you are the most affected out of everyone in the group. How pathetic.

Everyone is moving on as you are moving back. You feel as if you pull everyone back no matter what you do or how hard you try. You will always be Crybaby Lucas just as everyone says.

After a few days Mom died you couldn't cry. You couldn't feel water on your cheeks. How blurry your eyesight will be. You remember how it felt though. It wasn't pretty, but you couldn't stop the tears and remembering the scream you heard right after Mom pushed you into the river. You were helpless. Forced to do nothing but be a puppet on a string.

You felt grateful that you stopped, but it could never take the guilt that lingered in you. The guilt left when you saved Mr. Wess, Kumatora, and Salsa from Fassad. The Dragos that you met were most happy to help because the Drago who killed your mother was from their family. They wanted you get back at them. You then believed you can forgive that Drago, but you couldn't forgive who was the mastermind. You decided to lead the Dragos into the mini battlefield by whistling. You saved them, no actually we saved them, or they, but still felt happy. Mr. Wess, Kumatora, and Salsa thanked you felt something warm in your heart. You mad your decision by then. You wanted you help everyone and anyone who needed help. You haven't felt guilt since, but today came.

You sat near a tall tree with vines sticking out. You put your back on the rough and tough bark before you put your legs near your face and then hugged your legs. You slowly put your head down to cry, but it never happened.

You wondered what Boney, Duster, and Kumatora were doing. You were in a small rush to be alone after the mushroom incident. Were they trying to find you, a probable decision, you never wanted to worry them, so you stood up. Cradling yourself near a tree wouldn't help at all. You sought out to find them.

_Rain…_

It started to rain. Drip Drop, there it went, splashing onto your hair and clothes. You love rain. You would always try to sneak out of the house with Claus and play in the gentle rain. It would always end up with one of you being really wet or really dirty. Plus, Boney was a bit overprotective, he would always bark for your safety. But, this rain was _different_ you could say, though you couldn't say it was strange. You kind of lost the sense of common sense during this journey. The rain wasn't very heavy, it wasn't gentle either. It was as if someone was crying.

Crying, trying to comfort you, but could never reach you. This someone could never reach you, ever.

You could feel the helplessness in the rain or tears, you couldn't tell anymore. _It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring,_ You a little smiled as the song entered your head, but you think the lyrics should unique, in this kind of case.

You reached out your hand and let the rain touch it. It was warm, maybe salty if you tasted it, unsure you tried to taste it. You coughed and tried to get the taste out, but ended up making a mistake of doing it again. You gave up and let the horrible, sad taste linger on your tongue.

You resumed to trot around the island for your friends, but could never find them. Did they leave you? A low possibility, but it's still a possibility. You decided to continue.

"A lonely path one has to do, but why must you do? Is it worth it? Will fate just turn at you, destroy everyone you love. Is it all the worth." A voice said.

You searched for the voice, but could never find it. You wanted to answer, but your throat was dry. You couldn't speak. You didn't have the words to answer. You wish you did though. It would make everything much easier. Much, much easier.

"You must be sad, I want to hug you, but I can't. I'm crying out to you, but can you hear me. Can you see me? Can you feel me? The borders are hardly helpful at all. They just separate our two worlds or times, either's fine. Funny, I'm just speaking to nothing, but yet it's strange. You choose to listen. Let fate control you for now. But you seriously need a hug don't you."

You want to gather all your courage to say something, but it just disappeared in the air. You turned around.

You found something or someone, he or she was running towards you. You could never see the more important parts just that it is shadowed and is human. Human seems like a foreign taste to your tongue. You could never see why. You are human. You_are_ human, right?

The person was running to hug you. You wonder if that was the master of the voice. The person seems to be really worried for you. You never met the person, so why would the person care.

Before you know it the figure was hugging you. It caught you by surprise. You didn't know what to do so you just hugged back. As you did the person quickly disappeared without a trance. None at all. Just blank. You were dumbstruck, but after that everything seemed to turn black.

"Lucas, wake up!" You heard a feminine voice somewhere faraway.

"Lucas, you can't just sleep forever." You heard another voice, but it was closer.

You then heard barking closer than ever, then something jerked you awake. It was like something furry and really heavy decided to tackle you.

That does it, your eyes fluttered open. The first thing you see was Boney right in front of your face. Boney fortunately got off and you could breathe. Then you sat up, you saw Duster and Kumatora. Duster worried for you and Kumatora, who seemed to be annoyed and mad. If worst comes to worst you would run it.

You thought you would be in trouble as Kumatora slowly approached you angrily. But what surprised you is that she hugged you. Kumatora hugged someone. "Don't do that again, please." Then the others joined the mix.

After that, they then questioned you, you didn't answer. You just wanted to burst out crying. No tears came out, none. Was it so hard to cry?

You felt something behind you, you turned. Boney was there, sitting in front of you, wagging his tail as if to tell you to keep smiling. That does it, you hugged Boney. For the first time in a long time you cried. You couldn't hear what was going on, you didn't care. After a while you could feel the others hugging you.

"Th-thank you," Was all you managed to say with your shaking voice and your sobbing. You felt them hug you tighter, trying to make you feel safe. You remind yourself of an old saying, 'No crying until the end,' Was it? You cleared your eyes and told that you were going to sleep. They allowed you to, but Boney hasn't left your side.

You chose a spot near the blazing campfire. You set your bag next to you and your sleeping bag on the ground and went to sleep.

You poked your eyes out to see if everyone was sleeping. You slowly got out of your sleeping bag and went to your backpack. Silently flipping over the cover, you stuck your hand inside. You made a small sound, as you did Boney stirred. You flinched. Fortunately, he went back to normal.

After that incident, you decided to go faster, but quietly. Your hand found a flat and smooth surface. You grabbed it. It was your sketchbook. You flip through the pages to find a blank one. You took out a pencil and made a mark on the paper.

_The boy named Lucas was drawing for his friends._


End file.
